Oompa Loompa Doompa Dee Doo

So I went for a Mystic Tan. I have been very wary about going for one because I don't like the idea of spraying orange/brown dye on my skin that could potentially turn me into Jersey Shore cheesie...but then I got an email telling me I could try it out for $13 instead of the usual $40 (that is fucking robbery, but whatever). Being the cheapo frugal person I am, I said what the hell. People have been remarking about how PALE I am lately and being that I have to put on my rockstar hat tonight I thought I might as well try and look good.

Mistake? Not...quite. I was scared shitless going in because right before going to the salon I read about 20 horror stories about turning out like this.

They give you this barrier cream to put on your hands and feet so they don't look like you've been elbow-deep in a bag of cheetos, but I read that you really have to put it on heavy so I just GLOBBED it on. I didn't even rub it in. I was pumping it out like a madwoman and covered my hands all good and sloppy, then realized I didn't put on my fucking hair net. DERRR. Wiped the shit off, put the hairnet on, re-globbed. I was ready to go. I stood in the machine while it dyed me, and when I got out I didn't really notice anything. I felt good...until I woke up yesterday. Despite the GLOBS OF CREAM...my hands look like a SCARY ORANGE MESS. My feet are another story but at least I have socks and boots on so who cares. My hands though, they were the telltale heart. I've been scrubbing them with everything from purell to windex. Still orange. It could've turned out a whole lot worse...but I'll never be spray tanning again. EVER! I'll either embrace the paleness (more chic because of the whole Vampire bullshit) or re-embrace the sun. I will leave the spray tans to ginos.