F.U.F. - Ikea

I HATE BUILDING IKEA SHIT. I love going to Ikea, looking around Ikea, eating Ikea Meatballs. I love looking through their catalogue and picking out my dream living room. That's where the love ends. I hate lugging those flat, heavy as shit boxes from their shelves and loading it on to that weird 'cart' thing that rolls away from you as you're trying to put the heavy as shit box on it. I hate pushing that thing to the checkout because it rolls every whichway but strait. I hate the stupid 'Swedish' names for their stuff. I just recently bought a desk (which begat this F.U.F.) called a "Laiva". I don't know how to pronounce that. Lay-va? Lie-va? How about DESK. I felt like a fucking douche trying to pronounce it to the guy when I was looking for one. I was like "Look, its a small brown desk. Please don't make me say the stupid name".
Once I push that stupid shitty 'cart' out to my car, I hate trying to pick up their dumb heavy as shit flat box and load it into my car, because a) it's HEAVY, b) it's AWKWARD, c) the stupid 'cart' rolls away.
Then once I'm home comes the funnest part of all...ASSEMBLY. Wow. They throw as many weird screws and wooden dowel things at you as they can. I still have an allen key imprint in my thumb and forefinger, since those are the only 2 fingers you can use with those fucking things. Putting the shit together usually isn't difficult, but BOY is it time consuming. My co-worker said it took him a whole weekend to put together a closet. A WEEKEND!
I think a good job for someone would be "Ikea Stuff Assembler". I would pay for that. It'd also be neat if the person looked like the little Ikea dude from the instructions.