Stacey and Clinton's heads would've exploded for sure.

Last night I went to a bar and it was full of young chicks (like...20 years old). I couldn't believe how HORRIBLY most of them were dressed. Seriously. I mean, I'm no fashion maven (my wardrobe consists of jeans and KISS t-shirts), but I know how to dress myself so that I don't look like a complete asshole.

First we had Muffins McGee. If dressed properly, she'd probably look alright--but skinny jeans that are 2 sizes too small so that your ass crack is hanging out in a weird sort of pasty mushroom cloud above it paired with a shirt that had fringe (FRINGE.) hanging off which was ALSO way too short...um...wasn't flattering. Also not flattering? The 'sexy' truffle shuffle you were doing ALL.NIGHT.

Next we had Danny Zuko. As played by Crystal Gale. This chick had LONG brown hair, wearing a white t-shirt with the sleeves rolled, tucked into boys cut jeans with the cuffs rolled up at the bottom. I was waiting for her to start busting out Grease Lightning, I swear. There was nothing flattering about it AT ALL. It was really weird.

Third on the list was Tittie Drapes. Poor girl did NOT know how to dress herself for her shape. She was a larger girl (nothing wrong with that!) but dressed like she was a smaller girl. Strapless tops on larger, big chested girls just doesn't work. It looked like she'd hiked up a skirt to sit on her boobs at a really bad spot, making her cleavage look like a straight line..it was painful to look at. They honestly did look like Tittie Drapes.

Next girl was a spitting image of Rupert from Survivor. Um...not a compliment. Baggy tie-dyed tank top tucked into awful jean shorts. WTF?? I don't even know what else to say about that one.

Last we have High Skirt. As the night went on, this girl's skirt kept moving higher and higher to the point where it might have been held up by her boobs. She was getting drunker and drunker too, so perhaps there was a correlation? Some drunk dude kept pulling up her skirt in the back exposing her ass but she would just hit him like "Oh you! teee hee!!"...Yikes....youth is fucking scary these days...ANYWHO. Then she'd make out with some other guy right in the middle of the bar. Yuck. I guess dressing like a skank worked for her! It just reeked of desperation and 0 self esteem.

Anyway, that was the cast of weirdos that I had the pleasure of being surrounded with last night, with the added bonus of them all being drunk off their asses and 'being hilarious'. Good on them for having fun but they should buy a fucking mirror, unless I'm just SO far removed from fashion these days that these looks are hot and I'm just an old bag.

...and people wonder why I don't like going out...