F.U.F. - Fucking Magicians

How can I tell magicians to fuck off? Easy. FUCK YOU MAGICIANS AND YOUR STUPID TRICKS. I used to LOVE magic. Back when I was a kid, and I believed in it. I thought magicians like David Copperfield were the shit. I remember when his TV specials were on, it was an 'event' that you remember where you were for, like when baby Jessica was trapped in the well (and it interrupted a good episode of "The 10 Of Us" and I was pissed). I digress. It was a big fucking deal.

I came to realize that magic wasn't real. I don't remember when it was, but I know I was in denial. Everything looked so real! I know they could do tricks with cameras on TV, but what about the shit I saw with my own damn eyes in real life? I was pissed that I'd been had.

I hate that they have this stupid 'code' where they don't reveal their tricks. I want to fucking know how you make people float! That Criss Angel shit...what is that? That's why it makes me angry, is because I want to know the HOW and people won't tell me. I know it's not "magic"...so what IS it? Doesn't this make anyone else nuts? I remember I was at a Bar Mitzvah once and there was a magician there walking around from table to table doing tricks. I have never focussed on someone as much as I focussed on this guy. I was going to find out how this guy did his 'illusions' if it made my eyeballs fall out. Think I could figure out a damn thing? No way. This guy was too good. I asked him how he did stuff, and the stubborn jerk would tell me anything. In Las Vegas, there was a magic shop in my hotel. I thought maybe I could get some answers here....NOPE! The jerks that worked at this store were making fire and sparks come out of their goddamned hands but think they'd tell me how to do a simple card trick? NOPE! You had to BUY the trick in order for them to show you how it was done. What a load of shit. No thanks. The thing is, if it wasn't such a secret, I wouldn't give a shit. It's the fact that there's such mystery surrounding it that makes me want to know so damn bad. I know I could just sit back and enjoy it like the rest of the world, but I'd rather bitch and complain. :)

Here is the only magician worth his salt, in my books.