I am a Douche...with reason.

I love watching Seinfeld because it makes me feel like the asshole, douchey things I do aren't so bad, these people are doing it too.
Watching Elaine or Jerry break up with countless people for the most inane reasons is always my favorite, since I've done the same back in my dating days.

For your enjoyment, here are the stupidest reasons I've ever stopped dating someone:

Unless you're Greg Brady, I don't want to hear
that shit coming out of your mouth.

- I was firming up plans with the nicest guy ever, worked in the store next to me at the mall. He said "Groovy". I cancelled the date.

-One guy was telling me about how he volunteers at kids hospitals, and that he sings *NSYNC for the little kids and they all LOVE him. He layed it on so thick, it was sicketating. First of all, no, you fucking don't. I didn't buy any of it. Don't tell me some sappy story so that I'll sleep with you, loser. Plus, he was wearing a spandex v-neck top and was chubby. 1st and last date.

Just don't.

-I met this dude on a train when I went to NYC and I was SMITTEN. He was from Rochester. He came to visit me one time and it was magical. He came back a year later to visit and I noticed something looked....odd. I finally noticed...buddy had waxed and shaped his eyebrows. It was SUCH a turn-off. Plucking out unibrows is one thing...having nicer eyebrows than me? Dealbreaker. I was kinda standoffish the whole weekend that he was here. I'm a fucking dirtbag, I know...but I couldn't help it. I haven't seen him since.

-I was set up with this guy once by a friend. He was SUPER nice, seemed cool....but then when we made out later, it was awful. So fucking bad that I thought I might be a lesbian. Then he told me that he had epilepsy...d-d-d-dealbreaker. I can't deal with seizures AND a shitty kisser.

So there you go. I never said I wasn't superficial. I'm just honest about it :D