You are the weakest link. Good-bye!

Today I'm going to talk about what it was like being on a gameshow.  I've always thought that I ruled at games and game shows. Ever since Just Like Mom and Kidstreet, I've wanted nothing more than to be on a gameshow. I would practice baking random shit and overhead clapping. It was calling me. I knew it was pretty much impossible for me to get on awesome American gameshows like 'Rock n Roll Jeopardy', 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire' and the AMAZING 'Beat the Geeks', so I had to find something that I was a) allowed to play and b) local...I guess. As luck would have it, was looking through a NOW Magazine one day and there was an ad looking for people that knew "pop culture" and liked trivia. UM HELLO! I sent in some info and was invited to a casting call later on in the week. I went there thinking nothing would probably come of it...out of a few hundred people I was seen almost last. They were taking small groups of people and asking them silly and oddly worded trivia questions about TV and music, so of course me being me, I eavesdropped and got the answers to some of the questions that I may not have known the answers to...but ANYWAY..my turn comes. They ask me questions alone (I was there til the very end...it sucked but maybe was meant to be?) and I get them all right. I am contacted later on and told that I MADE THE SHOW. I was going to be on TV!! Yes, it was a game show that I'd never heard of, on the poor man's Canadian Comedy Central, but STILL.
Leading up to the show day I studied. As much as someone COULD study for a pop culture game show, I studied hard. I bought trivia books, games, even a car trip trivia CD so that I was immersed in popular culture. I was ready!! Well I felt ready. I also felt scared shitless, but that's expected.
So I get to the studio, and find out that I'm a contestant for realz (they said I'd be a contestant or a stand-by in case someone didn't show up) which is good...because if I'd done all that for being a STAND BY I would have shat. So they stuff us all in this little room and give us some pop and let us know we'll be waiting for...about 3-4 hours. Then they'll start taping shows. Great. So I can sit here having a near panic-attack for half a day. They told us who would be on our show, and as luck would have it, mine was the last show being taped. COME ON! Ugh. So while we waited we could watch other people's shows being taped which helped the nerves a LITTLE bit...I was able to see how the show worked and what the questions were like. If you've ever seen You Bet Your Ass, you know that it's...well...its shitty. The host seems like he clearly would rather be ANYWHERE else, and the tart 'prize girl' with her 'cute' t-shirts was...well I can't lie she wasn't a prissy bitch or anything but ..bleh. The jokes were lame. They tried to be edgy and cool but it didn't work. So ok..it's finally my turn. You think that when you watch a game show that the questions are SO easy and you'd be able to kick ass if you were on...but let me tell you, that's NOT the case. There were so many things running through my brain while the cameras were rolling that sometimes there was a lack of synapses happening and I'd blank...I had one question about eyebrows dude who was the dad on The O.C....a show that I WATCHED...and I couldn't come up with his name...I had to buzz in fast enough for certain questions and my thumb wouldn't work...luckily there were questions that I DID know about too so that I didn't seem like a total knob. The lights and counting down to filming...making sure I wasn't making a stupid face at ALL times just in case, paying attention...it was extremely anxiety-inducing.

I knew that if I failed on this show and went home with only a T-SHIRT (a WHITE t-shirt at that...really, Canadian Game Show? Is that all you have to offer??) that I'd never live it down. My final category? HOMER SIMPSON QUOTES. Finally. FINALLY MY YEARS OF SIMPSON WATCHING HAVE PAID OFF!! I had to finish off Homer quotes. I can't remember them all, but one was "You don't make friends with" .....(salad), "You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is"...(never try), and (wow I just remembered all 3!) "You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an".... (electrified fooling machine). I was impressed that I knew them all. Hell even the producers of the show were like "You really know your Simpsons" and I was like...I KNOW. Funny thing is, I gambled my money really poorly at the end. When you can't see your score it's hard to wager because you don't know how much you have to play with, how much $$ the other players have, etc. I almost lost. I was THISCLOSE to losing...the girl I was playing against lost one question on a technicality which lead to me winning. I think they paid her off afterwards but I don't care...on camera, I was the winner. I got all my final questions right, and then I had the option of a 'double-down'....risking ALL my winnings (a whole $500 CDN) to answer one more question and get $1000 (CDN), or lose EVERYTHING if I got it wrong...of course I'm going to go for it. The Category? Cereal Mascots. I feel good. I know about this shit. Bring it on...So I can't remember how the question was worded (because they were all worded...retardedly) but it was something like "You aren't alone if you see this blue ghost wearing a yellow and red hat while you eat breakfast"...and I'm like..."BOO BERRY". Booya.
I FUCKIN' WON. I knew the answer since I've always been obsessed with blue food. Blue smarties, blue Kool-Aid, blue Pepsi...if it was blue, I'd consume it. The tart came over and handed me fake money which I then used to fan myself and handed a $20 to each player mouthing "thanks for playing" as the end credits rolled. I was the first girl to win the $1000, I finished with the highest point score as well. So even though I almost effed it up, I did good.
For some reason the show is still in re-runs (it was cancelled after 3 seasons...of course in the later seasons the grand prize was upped to $2000 but ...whatever) and people will still catch my episode and let me know it was on. It's kinda cool. While it wasn't Beat the Geeks, it still WAS a game show, WAS on television, and I DID win. I think I can cross "Be on a Game Show" off my "stuff to do before I die" list.